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  • suzannenorquist

Worst Photographer Ever

Updated: Jun 1, 2020

Welcome to my very first blog post.

I’m told I should include photographs. Problem is, I’m the worst photographer ever. Some of my friends are incredible photographers. Don’t expect that here. Others search the internet for free pictures to include in their blogs. What’s the fun in that?

I’ll include my own photographs, such as they are. Some look like Pintrest fails, but, who doesn’t love a good Pintrest fail?

Some turn out blurry, particularly ones taken after my daughter’s performances. What is it about musical theater and opera that leaves me shaky? Here are pictures from Bye, Bye Birdie, The King and I, and Magic Flute (Star Wars version). I’m not worried about posting pictures of people without their permission, because no one will recognize them.

In my defense, how am I supposed to hold the camera steady when it’s so far from my body? In the old days, I could brace my elbows and arms tight against my torso and peek through the hole. Now I have to hold the camera a foot in front of my face. No wonder the pictures turn out blurry.

Sometimes the phone has a mind of its own. I’m not talking about times when friends or children hijack the phone and fill it with crazy selfies. Where do all these pictures of people’s feet come from? I don’t even know who some of those legs belong to.

I’ve tried to be trendy and take cute photos of myself. But, I’m not young enough to get by with cute anymore. Here is a series of selfies my daughter took on a mountain top.

Here are a couple of me with my kids. I am the scary lady next to the youngsters. Once my daughter posed herself in a field of wildflowers and asked me to take pictures. Beautiful. When I posed myself next to a wildflower, she said I looked like I fell down. Sad.

There are pictures with cluttered backgrounds. Here is one on my daughter’s wedding day (on the way to meet the professional photographer). Notice the empty potato chip bag tucked on the seat next to her wedding dress.

The teapot on the coffee table is supposed to look writerly.  My author friends post pictures of teapots with Bibles and inspirational sayings. Anyone wonder what kind of shoes I kicked off earlier that day? My grandmother loved pictures like these. She studied the background so she could learn about our home and our lives. Old Polaroids were filled with clutter and she loved them.

I’ve tried the specialty photos. Here, my daughter wanted to look like she was holding the boulder. But, the two feet between her hands and the rock ruin the effect.

I read on social media that one way to view the eclipse without special glasses was to take a selfie with it in the background. Disappointing.

Every once in a while, God creates a picture so amazing that even I can’t mess it up.

Here’s to a long run of blog posts with mediocre photography and an occasional winner.

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